Dear Famous Botoxed Actress....

Dear Famous Botoxed Actress,

I've recently read articles about you and other actors like you; read about how much you love Botox and what it's done for your confidence. I appreciate that when you look in the mirror and see an unlined face, you must feel fantastic - like you've cheated time and regained a decade. What I'm sure you don't do is see what we see. We being the audience. What we see is a freaky face that doesn't move, emote or resemble anyone other than Barbie/Ken doll. The unlined face may be great for you, but it's not great for us. I find myself being so fascinated and appalled by the frozen features of an actor that I miss out on what's going on. The actor can't fade into a character under those circumstances. And I also ask you how you can be a character when your face shows no character - how can an unlined baby-like face be a person of interested and depth?

I'm sure these words won't change your mind but I do ask that you think about them before your next appointment with the needle.

Yours sincerely

Concerned member of the audience

The Kindy Christmas Concert

Last night marked the end of an era. My son's kindergarten group had its Christmas concert. I sat amongst all the other parents and watched the faces of our children. Happy cheeky faces that were round and dimpled at the start of the year and have become leaner as the months have passed. No longer pre-schoolers, they'll all be starting school next year. They sang their favourite songs for us, complete with arm actions. Some of them forgot the words and laughed; other didn't sing but kept up with the actions. My son was in the back row. Shyness is not in his vocabulary. He sang loudly and proudly. They sang us Christmas songs. We laughed and cheered, and quietly, in our hearts, said good-bye to our babies and hello to our big kids.

The kindy teachers had prepared a portfolio of the year's activities for each child. I flipped the pages and read about my son's growth. I looked at the photos of him painting, playing with clay, riding scooters; at how he learned to write his name. I'm not one of those parents who are sad about their kids starting school. I'm happy and excited for him. But this portfolio moved me and brought tears to my eyes. My big boy.

Santa came and handed out presents and then we went outside to enjoy the food we had brought along with us. I chatted to mums and dads I had become friendly with over the year, knowing that there are many I may not see again. We're a diverse bunch; Muslim, Hindi, Anglo, Tongan, Vietnamese and so on. A good reflection of the community we are living in and a fabulous example of how many cultures can come together without conflict. The friendships the kids have made make me hopeful for the future. The noise of the kids running about was loud and spirited. Eventually as it become colder and the light began to fade, we gathered our kids up and began to leave. Next week is the last week of kindergartern. The adventure for our kids is about to begin.

Writing a novel in a month

November is National Novel Writing Month. This crazy endeavour was started by a couple of Americans over a decade ago. The friends decided to try to write 50,000 words in a month. Over the years NaNoWriMo has gotten bigger and bigger and is now a worldwide event. I've tried to do NaNoWriMo for a few years now and the best I've ever done is about 8000 words. The first few times was when we were living in Hanoi and November always coincided with our annual return to Melbourne for Christmas so despite my best intentions, I never wrote much. The best attempt was the November after we returned to Australia for good. I only had one child at that stage and tried writing in long hand, grabbing moments when I could. I went well for the first week or so and then my enthusiasm petered out. So far this year I've only managed 2000 words and I really should have over 10,000 by now.

All this makes me wonder why I bother and more importantly makes me ponder my motivation and commitment. It's so easy to blame having kids for not being able to write. I know women, published writers, who write and have kids. They are organised and keen. They get up early and squeeze out words in quiet moments. I saw Catherine Deveny speak at the Writers Festival last year on the topic of art and motherhood and she says she gets up early and writes 500 words before doing anything else. Before even getting a cup of tea!! These women inspire me. Every time I see one of them doing well, it gets me motivated...but not for long. A musician friend recommended a book to me not so long ago. "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield. In it, Pressfield discussed the factors that block and impede creativity - what he calls 'resistance' - and how to break the hold resistance has over you. Great book - well worth a read. One thing he says in the book is of interest to me. Breaking through resistance means being a professional, not an amateur. Treating your writing like your vocation, your job, your life. And I think that's where I need to make the transition.

Meanwhile, I will go back to my NaNoWriMo novel with a whip in one hand to get me going and a thesaurus in the other.

Beginnings

The title of this blog comes from Rachel Power's book "The Divided Heart" which discusses the difficulties of combining motherhood and creativity. The book contains a series of interviews with female writers, artists, poets, musicians and actors; all of whom have children and all of whom have been trying to balance their creative side with parenting.

I am a mother of two children - one is almost 5 and about to start school and the other is coming up to 11 months. I also write. I write sporadically and in the small parentheses of quiet and space that i manage to grab for myself during the day. It's not easy.

This blog is about the divided heart. It's about writing, reading and books; and about parenthood and children. And all the territory in between.